Cata-Spätzle-strophe!!!

Okay, so it's been months since I posted anything, mostly because I've been going crazy with studying for the English exams and practicing some of the British pronunciations of butter.   Er, I mean 'buttah.'  British don't pronounce R at the end of words, unless there is a word following that begings with a vowel, such as "far away."  At least, people who speak the Queen's English don't.  The Queen's English is spoken by less than 3 percent of the population in England, so I'm sure it'll be quite useful for all the future teas I'll attend at Buckingham Palace.  The Queen throws them once a year and invites 6000 people.  A very intimate affair, I'm sure.  I mean shoah.

Oh my.  I think the American half of me is getting ready for a second revolution.

This blog has mostly been about cooking, aside from last time's romantic manifesto.  I've thought of commenting on more serious topics--the German media provides plenty of interesting affairs.  However, before moving on to matters that require a bit more arduous thinking, I thought I'd share my last Swabian cooking adventure, for those of you interested in making Spätzle, or Swabian noodles, from scratch.

Now, this is actually a simple thing to do.  All you need is:

300g flour (1 1/4 cups)
3-4 eggs
salt
water

The following photos show the succession of my Cata-spätzle-strophe.  Since recently receiving a nice new potato/spätzle press from a certain person, I thought perhaps this might be a hint to try my hand with more traditional recipes.  For reasons of identity/privacy, I won't name names.

1. First Step: Pour the flour (can also be whole wheat flour, I used it to keep things healthy) in the bowl, like so:

So far, so good.  I'm using simple directions for the cooking impaired.

2. Add the eggs and the salt.

3. Mix them together--it's okay if you don't mix the eggs beforehand.  You'll end up with something like this:  

4. You can then add a little bit of water.  A verrrrrrry little bit.  Otherwise, you'll end up with this:

5. You want bubbles in the dough!  However, there is one slight problem.  It's been way too long since I've made real Spätzle, otherwise, this never would have happened: 

Getting ready to pour the dough through the press, the unsuspecting Mädle (Maid-leh) doesn't realize.....

She added too much water.  

Spätzle Explosion. Ach nein!

Now, this was not entirely my fault, as the cookbook did not specify how much water to add.  What you want is a very thick dough, which you might even have to cut off the bottom of the press with a knife.  

The Spätzle came out looking halfway decent, until I drained the water.  Then they looked exactly the same as when they had gone into the press.  A big wet Spätzle blob!!!!

Luckily, I had a real Swabian who knew how to fix things.  

Unnamed person: "Was ist das???"

Me: Ummm, Spätzle??

Unamed person (raising eyebrow):  Oh, yum!  Let's cook them.  

Me: Um, I did already?

Unnamed person (holding back laughter):  I think we have to cook them again.  

6. Add: Instant Swabian, plus lots of extra flour, plus a couple of "sodeles" "so-de-leh," Swabians like to add "leh" to the end of words. 

7. Cook the Spätzle in boiling water.  You can also throw some dough onto a cutting board and cut it into the water.  This is called schaben (shah-ben).  You will end up with something like this (except, ahem, somewhat drier): 

This is, by the way, the Spätzle with the cheese already melted into the dough (Another result of my cooking disaster).  I've had success with the cheese sauce for American macaroni and cheese and the store-bought Spätzle of course, but as we all know by now, anything but schaben is for amateurs! 

Spätzle can also be eaten as a side dish, or with fried bread crumbs and butter.